Some Random Silly Stuff

September 25th, 2009
By

An email sent over from 9th Island Girl sharing for those who

LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY.... (as well as the idiosyncrasies of English):

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.....

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA? (algae – bra)

24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE "S" IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

 *********************************

UCLA Study

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

*******************************************************

More than one way to skin a smart-ass:

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were

beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night ... (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee....dipped it into the toilet....and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers . . . and then there are educators.

 

Happy Feel Good Friday to Da Hui and remembah, for those who are free tonight, pah-tay at Fort Street Bar & Grill 6pm. Come early, stay late or come late, stay early. :mrgreen: Come by for cruz and relax and meet people you've nevah seen before. No need be shy....... everybody dat comes to a Triad Pah-tay nevah is. :wink:

 

Braddah Lance Kwon

19 Responses to “Some Random Silly Stuff”

  1. buddahbelly:

    Happy FGF, !st?


  2. roach:

    BL,

    Answer to # 11 - Hawaii or maybe Vegas !

    Here's a FGF joke :

    A woman in her fifties is at home, unclothed,
    happily jumping on her bed, squealing with delight.

    Her husband watches her for a while and asks, 'Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?'

    The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.

    The husband replies, 'What did he say about your 55-year old ass?'

    'Your name never came up,' she replied

    Happy weekend evryone !


  3. 9th Island Girl:

    Thanks for the FGF joke, roach! We can always count on you!

    I love that UCLA study section.

    Happy FGF everybody!


  4. matt:

    BL, when the next triad party in vegas? us displaced folks feeling left out :(


  5. jaydee:

    Here are some words submitted to the Washington Post's annual MENSA Invitational:

    1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

    2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

    3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

    4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

    5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

    6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

    7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

    8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

    9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

    10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

    11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

    12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

    13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

    14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

    15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

    16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

    17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating


  6. M:

    Good morning BL! :)

    Thank you 9th Island Girl, for sharing those very funny and something to wonder about questions. :)

    It's FGF! and pah-tay time! see you all tonight!


  7. tita leerz:

    thanks for the great laughs!


  8. KAN:

    Roach - dat's really guuuud!

    More thoughts:

    1) why is "phonetic" not spelled phonetically?
    2) why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
    3) if a man says something alone in a forest and there's no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong? (joke! joke! not seriously!)

    Jaydee, I have personally performed #15. And not happily.


  9. NKHEA:

    PAH-TAY time everybody :D

    Oh yeah, howzit :mrgreen:

    NKHEA.... goin work so can go pah-tay early :)


  10. jaydee:

    KAN:
    I performed that dance last night as I walked into this huge spider web. Geez, I hope none of the neighbors saw me. I must have looked like a silly little school girl!

    Happy FGF everyone!! I wish I could be there for the BIG party tonight!


  11. theDman:

    ah, that's my problem. Too much spinning around.


  12. kako mochi:

    LOL - i reeeeally like the last little story!

    have a great weekend everyone!!


  13. rayboyjr:

    :D :D :D :D :D :D :D Happy Feel Good Friday!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

    ... heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! ... I find that list of random silly stuff to be, well ... quite normal ...

    ... I guess that's what happens when a random silly mind like me reads a list like that ...

    ... it's exactly the kind of stuff I think of everyday!!! oh boy, I am weird!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:

    ... Have a Good One Everyone!!! ...


  14. EMM386:

    Happy FGF everybody. My work day is done. I'm outta here. Time for a run, some weights, then the bar.


  15. Rodney Lee:

    Just found this via Twitter's @iblala

    "Love Letter to Malika Dudley"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgj4SbDiuBY&feature=player_embedded


  16. BananaFysh:

    I still wanna know why rectal thermometers are not called "anal thermometers."

    Are they not accurate enough? ;)

    Happy FGF everyone! :)

    Wish I could go to the pah-tay tonight! :(

    Go have a drink for me, and remember to brush your teet' afterwards. :mrgreen:

    ;)


  17. Rod's Big Bro:

    BL if you ever dated a "runner", #1 is out da window, if it's sweaty it's ready, muwahaha.

    Do dyslexic people have women friends named "anal"?

    What about the "dyslexic, atheistic, insomniac"; Do they stay up all night wondering if there is a Dog??

    C U 2NITE


  18. Rod's Big Bro:

    @ Rod - I c Russell finally found a "Pen", ha ha


  19. DT:

    I still wanna know why rectal thermometers are not called "anal thermometers."

    Are they not accurate enough? ;)

    Happy FGF everyone! :)

    Wish I could go to the pah-tay tonight! :(

    Go have a drink for me, and remember to brush your teet' afterwards. :mrgreen:

    ;)