To Make You Laugh

March 19th, 2010
By

With people on Furlough Fridays and kids on waiver days, there's not too much to do for Feel Good Friday's. We seem to have lost our chronic Kwonic jokester, roach, wit his weekly post of jokes and friday blogs in general have been slow.

Hopefully for those who are dropping in today will enjoy da two funnies I got via email from "(s)he who must not be named" (wat movie dat from?). On top of dat, Chicken Grease, has got a Tip Of Da Day for ya:

Just a suggestion that you might want to include soon on one of your daily blogs.  As you are an accounting type -- and since it's tax time :) -- be sure to tell the gallery about Schedule M -- AKA, the "Making Work Pay and Government Retiree Credits" form, which increases the lines 61-71 "Payments" amounts (which subtracts from your total tax, line 60) section on the 1040 form.  At the level, this form sounds like that dastardly EIC credits form, which is great, but, taxpayers(s) can only take if they have keeds . . . but, Schedule M. might very well make the difference between having to pay taxes and getting a refund, for years 2009 and 2010.

 

***WARNING***

Now don't say I didn't warn ya..... make surah you not eating your breakfast, snack or lunch and you bettah not be drinking coffee, tea, watah or soda while you read these two Jokes Of Da Day!

A precious little girl walks into a petsmart shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

 

Dis is soooooo "classic"........

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Wyoming when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes , Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone , and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep...

Now give me back my dog.

 

Wat's sad about da second joke is dat it's probably actually true for some of our politicians......   :roll: 

Happy Feel Good Friday everybodies!!!! And have a grrrrrrrrreat weekend!

Shoots!
k-den

 

Braddah Lance Kwon

21 Responses to “To Make You Laugh”

  1. M:

    Howzit BL!

    First!


  2. M:

    Funny jokes. :lol:

    Have a FGF everyone! I know I will! :)


  3. Ocean Lover:

    "Wat's sad about da second joke is dat it's probably actually true for some of our politicians...... "

    Nuuanu has herds of sheep?


  4. B:

    hahaha... maybe some of our politicians should hire you BL... you have an accounting background. some can't even seem to list correct numbers from a receipt. WWD!


  5. acuradriver02:

    BL~

    Thanks for the laughs...especially after the somber discussion yesterday.

    Should forward the 2nd joke to our esteemed legislators...Mr. Tam, maybe??


  6. Ynaku:

    What kine dog he had????

    Bwahahahahahaha Whoo Hoo. Good fun.

    Have a great Feel Guud Friday all you Kwonics, Lanceformers and Lurkahs.

    Chee Hoo


  7. hanapaa:

    Mahalos, brah! Needed skosh laffs today.


  8. rayboyjr:

    :D :D :D :D :D Happy Feel Good Friday Everyone!!! :D :D :D :D :D

    ... hey Braddah Lance ... tanks for the laughs!!! ... the 1st joke is more my kind of humor - raw and thimple ... the 2nd one is good too ... there's just too many ways at looking at how efficient the government is at being inefficient!!! ...

    ... a good Feel Good Friday theme??? ... as acuradriver02 already referenced ... our own Mr. Rod Tam ... he is perfect fodder for blogging ... it would bee a blast reading about all his proposals ... and his mis-statements ... da 20-min nap thing ... da body odor thing ...

    ... ok, how's this??? ... every Friday ... pick a new legislator/politician to pick on ... in a humorous style, that is ... I'm not so sure the Advertiser is going to like it ... if we talk badly about people they might support ...

    ... Have a Good One Everyone!!! ...


  9. Rosette:

    yes the dog look like a Portuguesewater dog or what!


  10. opso:

    haha! good ones BL! :lol:

    heas one i just got:

    A potagee tita calls her haole boyfriend and says, "Eh, you can come over here and help me. I get one stinking hard jigsaw puzzle, and I no can figga out how fo' start um off!"

    Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

    The tita says, "When I look at the picture on da box, I tink dis one fighting rooster."

    Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

    She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

    He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

    "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

    He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh........

    (scroll down)

    "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."


  11. tita leerz:

    I feel a Rod Tam joke coming on.......


  12. Buddahbelly:

    Aloha All!
    WOMAN'S YEARLY EXAM

    I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.. The nurse started with

    certain basics.

    "How much do you weigh?", she asked. "135," I replied.

    The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.

    The nurse asked: "Your height?" "5 feet, 6 inches," I answered. The

    nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5 feet, 3 inches.

    She then took my blood pressure and told me that it's very high.

    "Of course it's high!" I screamed.. "When I came in here I was tall

    and slender! Now I'm short and fat.

    She put me on Prozac. What a bitch.
    --


  13. hawaiiobsessed:

    Ha ha ha! Love the jokes. @buddahbelly made me laugh out loud. Good to laugh! :>)


  14. BananaFysh:

    Happy FGF!

    Wow, you folks give Rod Tam too much credit if you think he could be the politician in the second joke. ;)

    He would just take the cowboy out to lunch and put it on his expense account.

    No, wait. He would take his FAMILY out to lunch, and talk about the cowboy, THEN turn in the receipt for 30% more than the actual tab. :razz:


  15. B:

    @BananaFysh.... " but it was an honest mistake"... haha...

    happy fgf everybodies!


  16. tita leerz:

    @Banana & B: R O F L

    ahhhhh...that felt good.


  17. sally:

    Thanks for the laughs! Good way to start a weekend!

    (Ynaku... "what kine dog was?" bhahahaha!!!)


  18. sally:

    After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists
    found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the
    conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more
    than 100 years ago.

    Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a
    California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a
    story in the LA Times read: ' California archaeologists, finding traces
    of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already
    had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier
    than the New Yorkers.

    One week later, Midweek reported the following: After digging as deep as
    30 feet in his field near Wahiawa , Keola Rapoza, a Portuguese
    self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing.
    Rapoza has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Hawaiians had already
    gone wireless.

    What a genius!


  19. NKHEA:

    Howzit BL and all da rest of you bugga's :)

    Tanks fo all da jokes....waz good ;) :lol:

    NKHEA..... getting ready fo da beea's and pupu's now :mrgreen:


  20. Tahoe-gal:

    I heard this one on our trip back a few months ago. (Sorry if it's an oldy!)

    Two cops stop a guy in Waikiki for a traffic violation. The first cop goes back to the patrol car and starts writing up the ticket, then stops, turns to his partner and says:

    Eh, brah...how you spell Kalakaua?

    His partner responds, "Geeee, I dunno."

    1st cop: "Oh wow, NOW wat we goin' do?!"

    2nd cop thinks awhile and says: "I know, I know...we let him go, den we pull him ova on King St."


  21. KAN:

    Hey, BL, thanks to you and Chicken Grease, Sweetie and I saved money on our taxes this year! That made us smile big time! Thank you!