By Braddah Lance
With people on Furlough Fridays and kids on waiver days, there's not too much to do for Feel Good Friday's. We seem to have lost our chronic Kwonic jokester, roach, wit his weekly post of jokes and friday blogs in general have been slow.
Hopefully for those who are dropping in today will enjoy da two funnies I got via email from "(s)he who must not be named" (wat movie dat from?). On top of dat, Chicken Grease, has got a Tip Of Da Day for ya:
Just a suggestion that you might want to include soon on one of your daily blogs. As you are an accounting type -- and since it's tax time -- be sure to tell the gallery about Schedule M -- AKA, the "Making Work Pay and Government Retiree Credits" form, which increases the lines 61-71 "Payments" amounts (which subtracts from your total tax, line 60) section on the 1040 form. At the level, this form sounds like that dastardly EIC credits form, which is great, but, taxpayers(s) can only take if they have keeds . . . but, Schedule M. might very well make the difference between having to pay taxes and getting a refund, for years 2009 and 2010.
Now don't say I didn't warn ya..... make surah you not eating your breakfast, snack or lunch and you bettah not be drinking coffee, tea, watah or soda while you read these two Jokes Of Da Day!
A precious little girl walks into a petsmart shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
Dis is soooooo "classic"........
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Wyoming when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes , Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone , and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep...
Now give me back my dog.
Wat's sad about da second joke is dat it's probably actually true for some of our politicians......
Happy Feel Good Friday everybodies!!!! And have a grrrrrrrrreat weekend!