By Braddah Lance
With all the options and stores for anything and everything out there,
Wea do you shop?
Now I know Uncle Rodney (MidLife Crisis blogger and now Vegas, baby! blogger too *he's also in print on Sundays*) could go on for days on dis but I'm talking from everyday shopping to dining to.... everything!
Obviously we are creatures of habit so doing our shopping in relation to wea we live is key but do you also go out of your way to hit a particular store? How's about if your "in da area" do you "HAVE" to go oddahwise was waste? Wat's your first choice of store for a particular anything?
I'm just curious to see wea everybody is at and maybe, just maybe, find a place interesting to check out dat I may not have been.
Those who read regularly know dat I live in Pearl City (1300 Waimano Home Rd) so I'm at da Pearl City Shopping Center a lot - 95% of da time at Foodland or Daiei.... oops, sorry, Don Quijote.
Of course, Pearl City Sam's Club but funny, we no go to any of da oddah stores in dat complex. Pearl City Home Depot for well, home stuff but I'll go to Lowe's Waikele if there's a really good sale which of course I nevah get cause by da time I get there stay all gone.....
Wassap Wit Dat!
Then of course if we evah at Waikele, "gotta" go check out at least ONE store oddahwise stay waste yeah? So normally it's a quick jaunt to either Old Navy or K-Mart..... or malasadas.
But da winnahs always is, imho, Oahu's flagship mall Ala Moana Shopping Center. I know I know, Pearlridge Shopping Center is waaaay closer to wea we live but Da Wife and I will head down there cause either she needs something "only" Ala Moana has or, ahem, I need something.
But we always cruz there for at least a couple of hours and I gotta do a "quick walk through" at Oakley, Sears and Footlocker. I take a "quick look" at Apple (even though I don't have one - go figgah), T&C and HIC if we stay on "dat side".
Pearlridge Shopping Center is a quick hit stop for us meaning dat we know wat we want/getting and done deal. Walk in, walk out, pau. We sometimes hang around a little but not like how we do at Ala Moana. It's also our "choice" wen we don't feel like driving into town.
Basically, it's either Pearl City or Ala Moana for us.
Wat about you?
For those who regularly drop in to read Wassap Wit Dat!, you know dat no topic is "off limits". From da controversial to da consensus, da pupule to da sane - I no hold back.
Dis one is no different..... although I'm just wondering if any guy is crazy enough to admit it. Wahine, feel free to join in if applicable. Or if you're just laughing your okole off.
Those who know me know dat I possess some mad observation skills. I notice da real little things dat people usually don't notice or no kea about but for some reason, my eyes are like laser guided missiles locking onto a target and even wen I no like notice, I notice.
Da Wife says I'm OCD das why.
In da workplace bathroom - yes, da bathroom - you encounter many different co-workahs there and different comes in, well, many different ways.
Some you know, some you don't know but aftah awhile you "know" who's there if you know wat I mean.
Before continuing, a short disclaimer for anyone dat would have started whining or complaining about da subject already: ***WARNING - if you are easily grossed out or like to complain alot, no read eh!*** Now back to da regularly scheduled program.
One thing dat's for certain, if you worked at one job long enough, you get to know everyone's patterns.
For instance - sorry wahines - guys get option of peeing in a urinal or in a toilet stall.... and dat's wea it gets interesting.
Now for urinals, there are basically four kines: da kidney shaped faux toilet look alike (fancy shmancy kine), da floor to chest stand up (for me it's usually at da eyeballs), da two feet off da floor square box in da wall to da chest stand up and of course da evah favorite, stainless steel trough.
At urinals, EVERY single guy has their own "ritual". How each one of us developed our "system" only God knows cause believe it or not wahines, we (guys) have about a thousand different ways of peeing.
Some will flush WHILE they pee - twice if it's a long one. Some will "drop" their spit while peeing as if they were Kamikaze's trying to get it to land directly on da "stream" to catch a ride, some pee wit one hand, some both hands, some wit no hands (I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it myself), some wit one hand on da flusher, some wit one hand holding up da wall, some wit da lean in, some wit da lean out, some eyes straight forward, some eyes down, some up and yes, some sneak a peak.
Whew. Dat was just a smidgen of peeing at a urinal.
Then their's da "extras". Some lift their shirt and wrap da loose part like a pareau, some will tuck it undah one arm and some will even lift da shirt wat I like to call da "show da keg chinny chin tuck" to make surah no errant splashes get on your shirt.
And who can forget about da tinkle. Some will shake "it" up and down or forward or back and some even will jump up and down instead of doing da shake. Surprisingly, some no even tinkle....
Wassap Wit Dat!
And while some will deny it, ALL guys fut wen peeing. Maybe not all da time but I'd say it's about an 80% probability dat a fut will accompany your peeing.
In da stalls, "observations" couldn't be made - and I'm not one to try - but there are a few dat you can "tell" happens.
Garan's get da ones who play "games" while peeing in da stall whether it be da "Kamikaze game" or da "aim at da watah line to get close as you can without touching it game". And if it's a real long session, you up da ante trying to go left to right seeing how accurate you can be while you still get "ammo".
And yes ladies, some men do "wipe".
I'm most definitely a stall man for one reason and one reason only..... I don't enjoy back splash from da urinals. Trust and believe, NO ONE walks away from there "dry".
So how you make shi-shi? Or you too shame for share?
DA PIDGIN WORD OF DA DAY! -
Haole Translation: Peeing, pissing, pee
Sentence: “Wea da bathroom? I gotta go shi-shi.”
Sentence: “Eh! Make surah you lift da seat if you going shi-shi eh?!.”
You hea' dat ALLLLL da time, "market".
It could be for a new/used car, a job interview, dating scene or even da real grocery store market but it's one of those phrases dat we use for practically any kine.
Buying a new/used car - "So you're in da market huh? New or used?"
A job interview - "Da market is so tough out there!"
Dating scene - "You're back on da market?!"
Grocery store - "Babe, you went market today?"
Da last time I was in da "market" for a new truck was back in '03, motorcycle in '06, a girlfriend in....... *cricket noises*......... I'll get back to you on dat one.
Wen was da last time you were in da "market"?
btw, stay tuned for tomorrow's post..... trust me, you'll either love it or piss on it.
Can you believe da sun is out and da skies are clear today?
Now dat's da way to start off a Feel Good Friday...... even though traffic sucked, da inevitable at work is about to happen and no mo' surf...... still get FGF!
I hope your weekend is/will shape up to be a good one cause it be a shame to waste it if da coming days are looking like today.
Go out and enjoy an awesome surf session, a walk on da beach, kick back on your lanai or porch, throw one shmall kine BBQ (eh, if get ono kine grindz you bettah invite me eh? ), play chase-mastah wit your keiki - get out and DO SOMETHING!
You know dat we only get 52 weekends in a year right? We waste enough of 'em so dis weekend, go out and enjoy yourself!
And to get you started/continuing on a FGF trend.... get one shmall kine joke. No worries, no need put your drink or food down on dis one but if you laugh easily you might. Mahalos to sassy7 for da FGF Joke Of Da Day!
Male or Female?
You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS:
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS (hourglass kine):
Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
Female. Ha! You probably thought it wouldbe male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying
With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking lots, especially during evening hours, the Minneapolis City Council has established a 'Women Only' parking lot at the Mall of America. Even the parking lot attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons.
Below is the first picture available of this world-first women-only parking lot in Minnesota .
Happy Feel Good Friday to da entire WWD! Hui: Kwonics, Lanceformers and of course... Lurkahs too.
SHOUT OUT: Mahalos to those who kept yesterdays slogan game going! No scade for keeping it going but I do appreciate you guys having fun with it! Some of those slogans though........ waaaaaay before my time.