By Braddah Lance
For those who regularly drop in to read Wassap Wit Dat!, you know dat no topic is "off limits". From da controversial to da consensus, da pupule to da sane - I no hold back.
Dis one is no different..... although I'm just wondering if any guy is crazy enough to admit it. Wahine, feel free to join in if applicable. Or if you're just laughing your okole off.
Those who know me know dat I possess some mad observation skills. I notice da real little things dat people usually don't notice or no kea about but for some reason, my eyes are like laser guided missiles locking onto a target and even wen I no like notice, I notice.
Da Wife says I'm OCD das why.
In da workplace bathroom - yes, da bathroom - you encounter many different co-workahs there and different comes in, well, many different ways.
Some you know, some you don't know but aftah awhile you "know" who's there if you know wat I mean.
Before continuing, a short disclaimer for anyone dat would have started whining or complaining about da subject already: ***WARNING - if you are easily grossed out or like to complain alot, no read eh!*** Now back to da regularly scheduled program.
One thing dat's for certain, if you worked at one job long enough, you get to know everyone's patterns.
For instance - sorry wahines - guys get option of peeing in a urinal or in a toilet stall.... and dat's wea it gets interesting.
Now for urinals, there are basically four kines: da kidney shaped faux toilet look alike (fancy shmancy kine), da floor to chest stand up (for me it's usually at da eyeballs), da two feet off da floor square box in da wall to da chest stand up and of course da evah favorite, stainless steel trough.
At urinals, EVERY single guy has their own "ritual". How each one of us developed our "system" only God knows cause believe it or not wahines, we (guys) have about a thousand different ways of peeing.
Some will flush WHILE they pee - twice if it's a long one. Some will "drop" their spit while peeing as if they were Kamikaze's trying to get it to land directly on da "stream" to catch a ride, some pee wit one hand, some both hands, some wit no hands (I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it myself), some wit one hand on da flusher, some wit one hand holding up da wall, some wit da lean in, some wit da lean out, some eyes straight forward, some eyes down, some up and yes, some sneak a peak.
Whew. Dat was just a smidgen of peeing at a urinal.
Then their's da "extras". Some lift their shirt and wrap da loose part like a pareau, some will tuck it undah one arm and some will even lift da shirt wat I like to call da "show da keg chinny chin tuck" to make surah no errant splashes get on your shirt.
And who can forget about da tinkle. Some will shake "it" up and down or forward or back and some even will jump up and down instead of doing da shake. Surprisingly, some no even tinkle....
Wassap Wit Dat!
And while some will deny it, ALL guys fut wen peeing. Maybe not all da time but I'd say it's about an 80% probability dat a fut will accompany your peeing.
In da stalls, "observations" couldn't be made - and I'm not one to try - but there are a few dat you can "tell" happens.
Garan's get da ones who play "games" while peeing in da stall whether it be da "Kamikaze game" or da "aim at da watah line to get close as you can without touching it game". And if it's a real long session, you up da ante trying to go left to right seeing how accurate you can be while you still get "ammo".
And yes ladies, some men do "wipe".
I'm most definitely a stall man for one reason and one reason only..... I don't enjoy back splash from da urinals. Trust and believe, NO ONE walks away from there "dry".
So how you make shi-shi? Or you too shame for share?
DA PIDGIN WORD OF DA DAY! -
(as quoted from Da Kine Dictionary &/or Pidgin To Da Max… wit a Braddah Lance twist)
Haole Translation: Peeing, pissing, pee
Sentence: “Wea da bathroom? I gotta go shi-shi.”
Sentence: “Eh! Make surah you lift da seat if you going shi-shi eh?!.”