Wassup Wit Dat!

Only Da Brave - Or No Shame - Need Reply

April 27th, 2010

For those who regularly drop in to read Wassap Wit Dat!, you know dat no topic is "off limits". From da controversial to da consensus, da pupule to da sane - I no hold back.

Dis one is no different..... although I'm just wondering if any guy is crazy enough to admit it. Wahine, feel free to join in if applicable.   😉   Or if you're just laughing your okole off.

Those who know me know dat I possess some mad observation skills. I notice da real little things dat people usually don't notice or no kea about but for some reason, my eyes are like laser guided missiles locking onto a target and even wen I no like notice, I notice.

Da Wife says I'm OCD das why.

In da workplace bathroom - yes, da bathroom - you encounter many different co-workahs there and different comes in, well, many different ways.

Some you know, some you don't know but aftah awhile you "know" who's there if you know wat I mean.

Before continuing, a short disclaimer for anyone dat would have started whining or complaining about da subject already:  ***WARNING - if you are easily grossed out or like to complain alot, no read eh!***   Now back to da regularly scheduled program.

One thing dat's for certain, if you worked at one job long enough, you get to know everyone's patterns.

For instance - sorry wahines - guys get option of peeing in a urinal or in a toilet stall.... and dat's wea it gets interesting.

Now for urinals, there are basically four kines: da kidney shaped faux toilet look alike (fancy shmancy kine), da floor to chest stand up (for me it's usually at da eyeballs), da two feet off da floor square box in da wall to da chest stand up and of course da evah favorite, stainless steel trough.

At urinals, EVERY single guy has their own "ritual". How each one of us developed our "system" only God knows cause believe it or not wahines, we (guys) have about a thousand different ways of peeing.

Some will flush WHILE they pee - twice if it's a long one. Some will "drop" their spit while peeing as if they were Kamikaze's trying to get it to land directly on da "stream" to catch a ride, some pee wit one hand, some both hands, some wit no hands (I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it myself), some wit one hand on da flusher, some wit one hand holding up da wall, some wit da lean in, some wit da lean out, some eyes straight forward, some eyes down, some up and yes, some sneak a peak.

Whew. Dat was just a smidgen of peeing at a urinal.

Then their's da "extras". Some lift their shirt and wrap da loose part like a pareau, some will tuck it undah one arm and some will even lift da shirt wat I like to call da "show da keg chinny chin tuck" to make surah no errant splashes get on your shirt.

And who can forget about da tinkle.  😀  Some will shake "it" up and down or forward or back and some even will jump up and down instead of doing da shake. Surprisingly, some no even tinkle....

Wassap Wit Dat!    😯 

And while some will deny it, ALL guys fut wen peeing. Maybe not all da time but I'd say it's about an 80% probability dat a fut will accompany your peeing.

In da stalls, "observations" couldn't be made - and I'm not one to try - but there are a few dat you can "tell" happens. 

Garan's get da ones who play "games" while peeing in da stall whether it be da "Kamikaze game" or da "aim at da watah line to get close as you can without touching it game". And if it's a real long session, you up da ante trying to go left to right seeing how accurate you can be while you still get "ammo".

And yes ladies, some men do "wipe".

I'm most definitely a stall man for one reason and one reason only..... I don't enjoy back splash from da urinals. Trust and believe, NO ONE walks away from there "dry".

So how you make shi-shi? Or you too shame for share?   😛 

 

DA PIDGIN WORD OF DA DAY! -
(as quoted from Da Kine Dictionary &/or Pidgin To Da Max… wit a Braddah Lance twist)

SHI-SHI
(SHEE she)

Haole Translation: Peeing, pissing, pee

Sentence: “Wea da bathroom? I gotta go shi-shi.”

Sentence: “Eh! Make surah you lift da seat if you going shi-shi eh?!.”

 

Braddah Lance Kwon

Posted in WWD! | 81 Comments »

81 Responses to “Only Da Brave - Or No Shame - Need Reply”

  1. 91boz:

    @ Visitor-- Talking about "split streams" That happened to me at the old Pali golf course. I was at the urinal doing my thing and a man next to me starts a "split stream" hitting my leg." Eh sorry eh, sorry" he says as he starts to wipe my leg and $hoes with da paper towel. -- WWD! -- Wow talk about one precarious situation! Lucky thing no one walked in at the time.

    For me unbutton pants, Zip down, pull down bvd's aim and shoot. If public trough the proper etiquette is to look straight ahead no look around. Yes, and I always spit into the urinal or toilet too!

    A good friend told me funny story about a man and his young son shi shi ing at the Aloha stadium trough when out of the blue the young boy says "Daddy Daddy you see the mans one, Ho da big yea? The boys father's face turned beet red in embarrassment. That's why I think its good to teach them when small to look straight ahead, no look around.


  2. David In Oregon:

    Aigoo, are these words of wisdom going to be compiled into a book for the unborn Kwon? 😛


  3. Rodney Lee:

    I'm not sure what kind of round urinals you guys talking about, but at Ala Moana center - the big bathroom on the side of Centerstage has round urinals. When you walk in, past the sinks, the right side wall is lined up with regular rectangle kine urinals. But on the left side are about 3 round urinals before the line of stalls start.


  4. Elapo:

    My late good friend Lionel who was a big guy told me his secret. He said he sat down on the commode to pee. He said standing up caused the urine to splash back on the seat and outside to the floor. JD said he did the same thing only in the morning though. He said his doctor told him not to lift anything heavy the first thing in the morning. Like a good troop, I listen to my elders.


  5. Rosette:

    @ Braddah Lance..yes we flush..but I don't use those filthy brush to clean the toilet because our toilet uses less water in the bowl....it flushes really fast and you can hear the suction.... I figure it is easier to just use the large ziploc it cleans really good inside the bowl and I find the brush have dirty residue.....this way our toilet is clean....you never know what kind of crap in the brush ! ziploc is much better for the type of toilet we have.


  6. 91boz:

    Eh Rod #21 Funny ---- It happens to me too. You have to go shi shi but when time to go nothing comes out? Maybe like you said stage fright? ---- WWD!

    I get one bad habit. When I pow or think I pow shi shi I flush da toilet but then I realize that some more still coming out. I have to flush twice!


  7. Ocean Lover:

    When my son was around 3 years old "we" were peeing and he looked at me in FULL SPLIT STREAM and eyes open wide and with the innocence of a child said "HOW do you do that?"

    I smiled and in all truthfulness told him "It TAKES PRACTICE". 🙂

    He's 13 years old now.....and I wonder if HE can "split stream". 😉

    OL................this post is CLASSIC


  8. Rosette:

    do you ever wonder after you use the toilet brush once it should be toss..what if the person is filthy then splashes up your butt...you catch disease for sure omg..


  9. Rosette:

    yes try doing your stop pee in between after you have your kid...FEMALE ISSUES......try laughing hard you peee your pants!


  10. Rosette:

    hey all this I bring my own large ziploc for emergency...funny!


  11. Rosette:

    I have one good advice before you take a cras somewhere you flush the toilet first just in case the toilet is a dud!


  12. Rosette:

    yes always check which toilet has the best flush...funny!


  13. Rosette:

    do you ever have a contest to see who does it the longest...omg!


  14. Rosette:

    longest pee...funny...one time I was trying to potty train my son ..one lady said to toss a candy smarties inside the toilet and let the boy aim..HOW WOULD I KNOW THE DARN KID WILL PICK THAT CANDY OUT FROM TOILET NAD EAT IT .. so much for her stupid advice...next thing a kid will throw all sort of junk in the toilet ...omg


  15. Scott:

    Yeah, gotta love split stream pee! (or viper pee)
    It's usually after a long night's sleep, or something even better 😉
    Sorry ladies, this post is begging for tmi 🙂


  16. sally:

    Split Pee? bhahaha!

    Guys are so lucky they can pee anyplace. Pull over on the side of the road and go for it.

    Gals not so lucky. 'nuff said.


  17. KAN:

    And no lie, you going ask Sweetie if stay true or not.

    Guilty as charged, Your Honor.


  18. Kage:

    @OL - #57 Takes practice.!!......haahahahahaha.

    BL- Love this topic today. I have not laughed so much about one topic in a long time. Mahalo.


  19. sally:

    OL #57: I love your stories of male bonding. LOL


  20. Koreankanak:

    BL...funny stuff. All my experiences have already been shared by previous bloggers.


  21. Ozzie:

    @OceanLover: Yep, I shook your hand after I dumped a colossal load and I didn't wash my hands 😉


  22. Glenn Miyashiro:

    BL...2 funny...good topic...depends on wea i stay...if i stay home i pee pee sitting down...da reason, growin up i stay all forget to put da seat down, so i wen train myself to leave it down and just pee pee sittin down...da buggah wen work, i no moa get in trouble 4 forgetting to put da seat down....if i stay pee pee in public i pee pee standin up, i no need worry bout put da seat up cause no moa one wahine for yell at me because i forgot to put da seat down...


  23. Seawalker:

    You know what's worse than pee backsplash?

    Sometimes when your $hit is dry and clumpy...bombs away. Doo-doo backsplash! Try wiping the water off your but(t) cheeks. Gross!


  24. Rosette:

    yes to avoid backsplash you are suppose to put a bit of toilet paper in the bowl.... you eat food that is I think bran or something and do not push too hard slowly ..omg funny! that is why I argue with my husband to buy decent toilet that is water saver yet it flushes good.....our toilet has less water at the bottom so you put a bit of toilet paper no splash...I also clean out our toilet with large ziploc I use dry disposable cloth
    ..I flush the toilet first then close the valve then I use the dry disposable wipe wipe wipe voile reverse the ziploc ..CLEAN ...no contamination from dirty brushes!!!.... if the toilet splashes up your bum you run and shower fast...lucky our tub is close by the toilet you shower quick ! I usually shower after crap anyway...yes you wash your hand first before you do your business and wash after....or use the toilet paper and don't touch yoru private..omg funny!..but if you are in public bathroom you make sure you pull a bit of toilet paper ...this way the toilet paper is cleaner...OMG JUST GO HOME if you are paranoid of public bathroom.


  25. TwoFish:

    Oh man, I'm at work in an office with cubicles, laughing so hard, and now having a hard time breathing! Time for a break.


  26. Ocean Lover:

    @ #71......my new friend OZZIE:

    No wonder you smelled "funky" afta I met you. 😉 😉

    OL


  27. acuradriver02:

    BL~

    Finally get chance to chime in 🙂 Funny topic today!!!

    At home, just sit down (same rationale as Glenn, #72)...especially early in AM, when I get up, can't even stand steady. And if I sit down, I can doze a few more minutes 🙂

    When go out/not at home, stand up...gotta man up, right??

    Hmmm...seems there are quite a few comments about Aloha Stadium... I still remember the time we went for UH football game and you know how everyone in the dang stadium seems to all go at the same time. Anyways, was in there, standing at the trough, taking care of business (look up, look down, but NEVER EVER look to either side of you, that's an unspoken rule, right?). Anyways, halfway through, in walks in these girls (and not obachan kine either) to use the stalls in the men's room (guess they had emergency or just impatient). They walked in, trying to make like they cover their eyes...yeah right...cover those virgin eyes, LOL. Pretty soon, there's quite a few coming in, then going out. Now, if that doesn't give you "stage fright"... 🙂 But for the record, I finished my business 🙂


  28. Bre:

    I've been gone for a bit and come back to this blog. Way too funny!!! Thanx for the insight of the men's bathroom. I will have to ask hubby his style tomorrow.


  29. Braddah Lance:

    31.LRob:
    BL - also gotta ask:
    Do you use the midget urinal? or the regular urinal?
    Unbutton/unzip the entire pants? Or just the peephole?

    Urinal is nevah my first choice - even if I gotta wait. Only emergency I use 'em.
    Unzip da entire pants of course and nevah da peephole... if "feeling waaay too good" and stay home, I just drop da whole pants/undahwear and all. :mrgreen:

    If I ever redo my bathroom at home, I'm installing a urinal CHEEHOO!!!

    Watchout for backsplash. 😀
    ..............................
    ..............................

    hemajang:
    Da older you get, da shi-shi lose powah. Plus da tinkle sometimes go on forevah like one leaky faucet...time to change gasket. Garans goin' lost pee contest with young man BL.

    LMAO! Change gasket! 😆 I'm almost there... leaky faucet and all. 😆
    ..........................
    ..........................

    Ozzie:
    The aim (no pun intended) was to see who can shoot the longest stream of wiz to the urinal. You start close and then you work your way back, trying to keep aim. The one who go move back the furthest would win.

    I used to do dat sometimes too.... but I'd be da only contestant. 😀

    E Komo Mai to WWD! Ozzie! So glad you could drop in and hope you'll become a regulah!

    One thing for sure, the janitor really hated his job, as guaranteed some kids were terrible shots

    Boy I can imagine.
    .............................
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    KAN:
    Why did the ad for overactive bladder issues show up on the right side? I'm not making this up. Go try 'em, go, see, go try 'em.

    I had an insurance ad. 😀
    ............................
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    Tahoe-gal:
    Oh mi-gawwwd...this is so worthy of a second read! Who knew!

    😆 E Komo Mai back! And to a post like dis too. 😀

    Talk about p-envy (and I don't mean pee).

    Das why wahines are in and out quick and da guys take "forevah". 😆

    Actually, I was doing good until I got to the part about the pee-fut phenomenon. Then I lost it.

    Waaaaat? Wahines no do dat?
    ..........................
    ..........................

    Ozzie:
    ....make it obvious by their "Awww crap!" comments that they splattered their own hands with piss, then try to shake what droplets they have on their hands; and then still walk out without washing their hands ... and then you see them line up to get food at the potluck!

    😯 I'm guessing you witnessed dat one personally. 😯

    On a side note: I feel sorry for the ladies who don't know which dudes don't wash their hands after they drop a leak - I'm sure they've unknowingly shaken plenty of shi-shi hands.

    It's Pee Roulette. 😛
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    Ocean Lover:
    OL...........just trying to WELCOME a new guy

    I know I'm late. 🙁
    .............................
    .............................

    visitor:
    BL your observations are so accurate...hilarious!

    😀

    ....long stainless urinal and a guy comes next to me. When he starts, he has a "split stream!" I'm so afraid that I'm going to get hit, but there's no room to maneuver or dodge.

    LMAO! Split stream! I completely fo'got about dat one! 😆 Buuuuut..... you've seen split stream go....... sideways???
    ...........................
    ...........................

    opso:
    eh...wat bout da urinal usage rulz?

    I wondah if wahines do dat too?

    and also.....you know why you do da shiver after going shi-shi? dey say it's because of da quick loss of body heat. make sense to me.

    😆 Geez, I completely fo'got about dat one too! I thought if it was a "good" pee you do da shiver. 😉
    ............................
    ............................

    Rodney Lee:
    A plumber once told me that we should be washing our hands BEFORE we go shi-shi, not after.

    Makes sense...... only if you planning on doing "da kine" shortly aftah oddahwise should be clean aftah you shower right?
    .............................
    .............................

    Scott:
    Try peeing while holding a baby in your arms! I've been doing that a lot lately as I've been whisking my boy around town on errands. It's kind of messy, but I've gotten good at it!

    So you're da one making da floor wet! 😆

    Eh BL, just wait until you're changing the diapers and you get the stream in your face. It's gonna happen sooner or later

    You're assuming I'm da one going to be changing diapers. :roll:
    ........................
    ........................

    Rodney Lee:
    @opso - da shiver? We called it da wiggle.

    Da wiggle? Ho, totally MLC eh?
    .........................
    .........................

    Seawalker:
    You know what freaks me out, BL? When you go in the men's room with plenty of open urinals and toilets to pee, this one braddah has to take the one right next to you.

    😯 Yeah, I no like dat either. 😯

    Worse yet, he breaks the unwritten rule and looks you straight in the eye!

    Well.......... you was lookin' too. 😯 😛 😆

    Technique to avoid splashing: Pee to the side of the urinal. If you do it straight on, it comes back to you straight on. If you angle it, then the action is deflected.

    I tried dat da oddah day..... still had back splash but just more one side than da oddah.
    .................................
    .................................

    King Katonk:
    Our office decided to go "green" and installed those new-fangled waterless urinals. It’s supposed to save thousand of gallons over the course of a year.

    Waterless? I don't like da sound of dat.

    “4 – 4”

    😀

    What I don’t get is those guys who push themselves right against the urinal. Does that limit the backsplash?

    It's a pick your poison..... backsplash or sneak a peak? 😆
    ...................................
    ...................................

    snow:
    you guys are too funny... but i sure wish i didn't know some of you! ha ha ha! *cleansing the brain, again*

    hee hee..... too bad. 😆

    Tahoe-gal - "pee-fut phenomenon"... omg, that's a too funny description!

    C'mon! You tellin' me dat wahines don't do dat? Or you guys no fut and tell? 😆
    ...............................
    ...............................

    Michael:
    only the brave will use this. Just thinking of using this gives me chicken skin.

    Is dat a round urinal? 😆


  30. Michael:

    Scary huh?


  31. Braddah Lance:

    91boz:
    ...I was at the urinal doing my thing and a man next to me starts a "split stream" hitting my leg."

    WOW! It really does go sideways DAT much? I've had my share but not dat wild.

    ...he starts to wipe my leg and $hoes with da paper towel. -- WWD! -- Wow talk about one precarious situation! Lucky thing no one walked in at the time.

    Ugh. I would have golfed barefoot aftah dat.

    ...the young boy says "Daddy Daddy you see the mans one, Ho da big yea? The boys father's face turned beet red in embarrassment. That's why I think its good to teach them when small to look straight ahead, no look around.

    I'll remembah dat. 😀 😆 Too funny!
    ...............................
    ...............................

    David In Oregon:
    Aigoo, are these words of wisdom going to be compiled into a book for the unborn Kwon?

    No book needed..... learn as you go. 😆
    ...............................
    ...............................

    Rodney Lee:
    I'm not sure what kind of round urinals you guys talking about, but at Ala Moana center - the big bathroom on the side of Centerstage has round urinals.

    Really? Hmmm, now I gotta go "see". 😆
    ..................................
    ..................................

    Elapo:
    ....He said his doctor told him not to lift anything heavy the first thing in the morning. Like a good troop, I listen to my elders.

    😆 LMAO! 😆
    .................................
    .................................

    91boz:
    I get one bad habit. When I pow or think I pow shi shi I flush da toilet but then I realize that some more still coming out. I have to flush twice!

    I used to do dat..... "time it out"........ sometimes goes into overtime though. 😆
    ................................
    ................................

    Ocean Lover:
    When my son was around 3 years old "we" were peeing and he looked at me in FULL SPLIT STREAM and eyes open wide and with the innocence of a child said "HOW do you do that?" I smiled and in all truthfulness told him "It TAKES PRACTICE".

    😆 Classic.
    ................................
    ................................

    Scott:
    Sorry ladies, this post is begging for tmi

    As long as no pictures are involved. 😆
    ................................
    ................................

    sally:
    Guys are so lucky they can pee anyplace. Pull over on the side of the road and go for it.
    Gals not so lucky. 'nuff said.

    Uh, I beg to differ. I know some wahine dat pee anywea.... as long as get tissue.
    ...............................
    ...............................

    Kage:
    BL- Love this topic today. I have not laughed so much about one topic in a long time. Mahalo.

    As long as you didn't pee in your pants.
    ..............................
    ..............................

    Koreankanak:
    BL...funny stuff. All my experiences have already been shared by previous bloggers.

    😀
    .............................
    .............................

    Glenn Miyashiro:
    ....if i stay pee pee in public i pee pee standin up, i no need worry bout put da seat up cause no moa one wahine for yell at me because i forgot to put da seat down...

    You are well trained. 😀 And it's nice to pee in peace huh?
    ..............................
    ..............................

    Seawalker:
    Sometimes when your $hit is dry and clumpy...bombs away. Doo-doo backsplash! Try wiping the water off your but(t) cheeks. Gross!

    Yeah, those are NEVAH good. 🙁
    .............................
    .............................

    TwoFish:
    Oh man, I'm at work in an office with cubicles, laughing so hard, and now having a hard time breathing! Time for a break.

    Pee break?
    .............................
    .............................

    acuradriver02:
    At home, just sit down (same rationale as Glenn, #72)...especially early in AM, when I get up, can't even stand steady. And if I sit down, I can doze a few more minutes

    😆 I do dat too...... doze for a few more minutes dat is. 😀

    Anyways, halfway through, in walks in these girls (and not obachan kine either) to use the stalls in the men's room...Now, if that doesn't give you "stage fright"

    Like a frightened turtle! 😆
    ...............................
    ...............................

    Bre:
    I've been gone for a bit and come back to this blog. Way too funny!!! Thanx for the insight of the men's bathroom. I will have to ask hubby his style tomorrow.

    😀 You know how we roll..... well, now pee at WWD! 😆


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