By Braddah Lance
Being Mr.Mom da past year has been a challenge.
Between diaper changes, washing clothes, diaper changes, nap time, diaper changes, play time - did I mention diaper changes?
Then there's da whole multi-tasking thing and no mattah wat you tink.... GUYS CANNOT MULTI-TASK!
No get me wrong fellahs, we tink we can multi-task and and at times we kick some okole doing it (even though our oddah half no tink so) but wen it comes to multi-tasking involving a keiki.... sadly we cannot.
Our version of multi-tasking involves moments of grunts, groans and grumble. It may also involve light or heavy machinery of some kine and/or tools of various shapes and sizes. Added to dat da occasional break or two consisting either of a couch, seat, remote control, beverage or a combination of those two or three utilizing our multi-tasking skills even further.
And really, wat is multi-tasking? I tink wen most of us hear "multi-tasking" we tink "two things at once" but in reality multi-tasking is trying to simutaneously do two separate things one at a time wen you stay waiting for one thing, you go do da oddah while waiting for watevah you stay waiting for and vice versa.... at da same time.
Tink about it.
You answer da phone while eating. Multi-tasking right? Weeeell, you not really talking AND chewing at da same time and if you tried - and no lie, I know you wen try - it gets messy. You not really watching tv AND reading a book and we most definitely not listening to da oddah half wen you (fill in da blank wit watevah it is dat you do).
So it was no surprise dat I figgah I'd kill two birds wit one stone about seven months ago.
Da Baby was running low on bottles and Da Wife was "multi-tasking" so I decided to boil watah for da bottles and get all da stuff we needed to paint da house. 20 minutes latah da watah stay boiling, I drop da bottles inside and set my body clock reminder to come back in 8 minutes.... * Jeopardy theme*
Shortly aftah, Da Wife stay talking to me about something and mentioned something about painting something... das all I remembah as I was "multi-tasking" and I guess da last thing I heard was painting so I started painting.
A few hours latah I smelled something burning but our neighbors upwind from us were having a paina and smoking a pig in their grill so I nevah tink nothing of it until..... I followed da smell and my body clock went off!
WASSUP WIT DAT! (G-rated version of wat actually came out of my mouth)
Sadly there's one bottle left.... there was five to start with along with nipples, caps and covers. It literally melted into foam and smoke.
Das da last time I multi-task wit anything involving a kitchen appliance.... hopefully you too.