You Just Can't Do It... If You're A Guy
By Braddah Lance
Being Mr.Mom da past year has been a challenge.
Between diaper changes, washing clothes, diaper changes, nap time, diaper changes, play time - did I mention diaper changes?
Then there's da whole multi-tasking thing and no mattah wat you tink.... GUYS CANNOT MULTI-TASK!
No get me wrong fellahs, we tink we can multi-task and and at times we kick some okole doing it (even though our oddah half no tink so) but wen it comes to multi-tasking involving a keiki.... sadly we cannot.
Our version of multi-tasking involves moments of grunts, groans and grumble. It may also involve light or heavy machinery of some kine and/or tools of various shapes and sizes. Added to dat da occasional break or two consisting either of a couch, seat, remote control, beverage or a combination of those two or three utilizing our multi-tasking skills even further. 
And really, wat is multi-tasking? I tink wen most of us hear "multi-tasking" we tink "two things at once" but in reality multi-tasking is trying to simutaneously do two separate things one at a time wen you stay waiting for one thing, you go do da oddah while waiting for watevah you stay waiting for and vice versa.... at da same time. 
Tink about it.
You answer da phone while eating. Multi-tasking right? Weeeell, you not really talking AND chewing at da same time and if you tried - and no lie, I know you wen try - it gets messy. You not really watching tv AND reading a book and we most definitely not listening to da oddah half wen you (fill in da blank wit watevah it is dat you do).
So it was no surprise dat I figgah I'd kill two birds wit one stone about seven months ago.
Da Baby was running low on bottles and Da Wife was "multi-tasking" so I decided to boil watah for da bottles and get all da stuff we needed to paint da house. 20 minutes latah da watah stay boiling, I drop da bottles inside and set my body clock reminder to come back in 8 minutes.... * Jeopardy theme*
Shortly aftah, Da Wife stay talking to me about something and mentioned something about painting something... das all I remembah as I was "multi-tasking" and I guess da last thing I heard was painting so I started painting.
A few hours latah I smelled something burning but our neighbors upwind from us were having a paina and smoking a pig in their grill so I nevah tink nothing of it until..... I followed da smell and my body clock went off!
WASSUP WIT DAT! (G-rated version of wat actually came out of my mouth)
Sadly there's one bottle left.... there was five to start with along with nipples, caps and covers. 
It literally melted into foam and smoke.
Das da last time I multi-task wit anything involving a kitchen appliance.... hopefully you too. 
Have you had any multi-tasking no-no's? Wat shouldn't we multi-task? I know da list is long... but das da point.
Wassup Wit Dat!
October 12th, 2011 at 8:07 pm
Whoa BL, you no longer honorary MLC member. Tink you pass da test and full fledged old fut gang member. Go slow and one thing at a time is our mantra....go...slow...and...one...ting...at...a...time.
October 12th, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Go with glass next time. LOL!
October 12th, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Eh BL, mo bettah you stick wid da multi-tasking things that come naturally like using BOTH feet to walk, both hands to carry a huge box, etc.
October 12th, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Howzit BL, and you only have one child. No try do to many tings all one time. We had 2 keikis and dat was multi-tasking.
October 13th, 2011 at 12:56 am
Wow, glad it was just melted and nothing worse. We used Avents too but had a microwave thing to put them in. Easy peasy. Put them in for a few minutes and done!
As far as the multi-tasking thing goes, I really do think men cannot multi-task. I can be doing at least 3 separate things at the same time but my hubby cannot. It drives me nuts. Yeah, just wait until you have two kiddos!
October 13th, 2011 at 1:43 am
HAHAHA... I remember you posting that pic last year.
Try having two little ones around your house.. aigoooooo!
October 13th, 2011 at 4:58 am
Braddah, that picture is classic. Sorry to tell you that
It gets worse as you get older. I remember once
I was boiling something and only remembered
when the smoke detector went off and the pan
Was koge. Just a little tip: get a kitchen timer.
Saves your butt (and your pots).
October 13th, 2011 at 5:37 am
Aigoo, BL. If it's any consolation, I read an article that said that no one is really good at multitasking. I thought I was, but I'm really not. Islandgirlinnc must be superhuman.
I'm just glad nothing caught on fire - and I'm sure you're not the first to have done that.
October 13th, 2011 at 6:10 am
Guud moning BL and Kwonics
I multi-task everyday at work, I do more than tree tings all at the same time most of the day.
October 13th, 2011 at 6:30 am
da pot is classic. wen happen to us too.
multi tasking is over rated. do um one at a time, quick and efficiently. no procrastinate, actually get more stuff done.
October 13th, 2011 at 6:31 am
I can sleep, snore and fart same time. Is dat multi-tasking?
October 13th, 2011 at 6:33 am
BL,
Multi-task? According to the wife, I cannot even do one thing at a time right!
October 13th, 2011 at 7:32 am
Nea mind "multi-tasking". You change doodee diapers and dats GOOD NUFF FOR ME.
OL..............also changed doodee diapers
October 13th, 2011 at 10:27 am
... hey Braddah Lance ... anything that involves heavy equipment or machinery that needs your operation should not be multi-tasked ... and probably stuff that involves sharp blades or fire too!!! ...
... washing and drying clothes is perfect for multi-tasking ...
... men multi-task all the time ... eating and watching football ... eating and playing video games ... on da computer and watching tv ... reading magazine and doing #2 ... da list is endless ...
... Have a Good One Everyone!!! ...
October 13th, 2011 at 11:21 am
Eh Ynaku, add belching to da list and you're da perfect multi-tasker. Let's see da wahine do dat!
October 13th, 2011 at 11:54 am
How's this for multitasking:
piss, fut, & whistle.
October 13th, 2011 at 2:06 pm
@Keoni, Yeah we can do it. Let them try beat that
October 13th, 2011 at 4:04 pm
Classic, I guess multi tasking isn't for every one? Take it as a lesson learned!
October 13th, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Eh! Who wen fut? Unckle Rod?
October 13th, 2011 at 6:37 pm
I agree that men can not multi task. At least my man can't! I think women are better at it but sometimes, what happened to you... happens. :>)
Glad you didn't burn the house down!
October 13th, 2011 at 8:25 pm
I'm laughing cause it's true! Naks, Uncle Rodney, RBJ.
I can start many tasks, finishing is another story.
October 13th, 2011 at 8:45 pm
Anybody that worked at a Service Station need to multitasking especially where I used to work. Fill gas, check oil, water, battery,tires,wash windows AND vacuum. Gotta learn to plan your attack and do several things at once otherwise going take 1/2 hour each car. No can when get long line.
Oh yeah did I say we had to geev em da gas?
October 13th, 2011 at 8:58 pm
One Nuddah job I had was as a Telephone Operator. No, not the new computerized ACD kine. Oh no....was the old cord board. You gotta answer the call, watch the board, write info on time card, stamp card on time clock, when someone hang up, you gotta grab the card and stamp the stop time pull out cord, fill in bubbles with mark sense pencil while continuously scanning board for new calls all the while talking to caller so can direct there call. Hated the international type calls cause yo gotta take to the operator on that side which is kinda hard if you no speaky da language.
We call doing all that as overlapping task or as you would call it today, multitasking. Yep, some guys can do I as good or better than some of the ladies. I said some
and I could handle that.
October 13th, 2011 at 9:22 pm
Hi BL! Love what Uncle Rodney had to say... how can guys piss and fart at the same time? Lol! Wait, sorry this would BEE an O&E topic... IF I had the time to update my blog!
October 13th, 2011 at 9:32 pm
Wife calls it multi-tasking. Me, I just say prioritizing. Same smell, so long as it gets done at the end. When driving, I can talk on the cell phone, eat a plate lunch, change my shoes, or do just about anything without a hitch. Now, that's whatchumacalit, multi-task.
October 14th, 2011 at 5:06 am
That happened in my house too, not as much humor as this was. Our house filled with black toxic smoke and took hours to clear out, nobody was injured.
October 14th, 2011 at 6:14 am
Guud morning BL and Kwonics!
Happy Aloha Friday!
October 15th, 2011 at 6:32 pm
lol I cant believe you melted them all down. good thing you didn't burn the house down. But I don't think you need to boil bottles if you got a dishwasher. and if you really think the dishwasher machine is not enough you can push the sani-cycle. Most machines have a sani-cycle these days.
October 16th, 2011 at 8:10 am
Try this: Greet the patient coming in the door, get sidetracked by pics of her new grandbaby, process the patient coming up from the hygienist, answer the phone line one, put on hold to answer line two, take message, back to line one, process the patient coming up from the doctor, congratulate them on their latest Vegas $$$ win!, finish updating the first patient that came in the door, oops there goes line one again "you did WHAT to your tooth?", process patient coming up from the hygienist, pt #2 "oh btw I have new insurance", research plan, edit account, call back caller from line two, do the chairside tx plan and consult for pt in the doctor's chair, e-file the insurance claims from last time segment, open the mail that your parttimer just brought to your desk, sign for UPS, FedEx, and Patterson deliveries, *think to self "I really need to go pee"*, call lab for pickup, call next patient who is late to make sure they're okay, Line One has rung 3 times and Line Two twice since the last call, here comes the next patient *has 45min gon by already?*.....
And do it all with a great big smile cuz it's so fun to see so many different peeps in one day!
ps: I didn't want to put EVERYTHING that I do cuz ... well ... it would just bor you. BHAHAHAHA!
October 16th, 2011 at 9:48 am
BL, if it's any consolation, I've burnt my share of those decorative range burner covers. You know... turn the wrong knob then that familiar smell and end up with a decorative cover with a black blotch on it.
.....rolling eyeballs ~sigh~
October 16th, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Sally, you are my idol!
October 16th, 2011 at 1:13 pm
My Droid cannot multitask....either talk on phone or surf the web, cannot do both...time to switch to iPhone...
October 16th, 2011 at 1:14 pm
sally:
You have tooooo much time on your hands....
October 16th, 2011 at 4:47 pm
Try teaching, counseling, babysitting, disciplining, cajoling, coaching, managing, attending to state and federal laws and standards, repairing, cleaning, straightening, accounting, scoring, recording, responding to inane demands from administrators who have been away from the front lines for way too long, refereeing disputes, listening, accepting and responding to parent calls and emails, updating curricula frameworks, writing and/or updating state standards for curricula, managing a state region for a national student leadership organization, organizing three leadership conferences, monitoring the kids, initiating parent/guardian contact because their kids are out of control and/or unmotivated, making parent/guardian contact because their kids did something really cool to further their education that day, and keeping an upbeat personna the entire time.
All in the 30-minutes teacher preparation time before classes actually begin.
October 17th, 2011 at 5:14 am
Sally & wafan - I've had my share of days when I mutter "Can I PLEASE do one thing for longer than 2 f'n minutes at a time!" You guys must think "Can I please do one thing for longer than 30 seconds!" And you know you're waaaaay too busy when you forget to go to the bathroom because you're so busy.
And Sally, I've burnt so many decorative burner covers that I am now forbidden to have them in the house. And some of the plastic stuff will not come off the burners. Aigoo.
October 17th, 2011 at 6:12 am
Guud morning multi tasking people!
October 17th, 2011 at 10:24 am
I can't remember the last time kids came trick or treating in our neighborhood.
October 17th, 2011 at 10:26 am
opps! hahaha wrong blog! It's a MLC thing! hahaha
Wassssuuuuppppp BL!
October 18th, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Gee, 6 days since a new blog entry was made...must be someone can't multitask. What do you think BL?
Aloha everybody!!
October 18th, 2011 at 11:49 pm
Do I get a membership card?
Sounds like a........
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Dis not da 50's.
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Das too easy.... I wanted a challenge.
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So I've heard.
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Me too.
Dat would have been easier.
Drinking and watching da game no count?
Da longah I can wait, da bettah.
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Is dat a good thing or bad thing?
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I gotta try and spin it wen Da Baby gets older and use as leverage.
Wat if I fo'get to set da timer?
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I actually feel da same way. I tink I can multi-task but I'm facing da reality dat it's tough to do multiple things well at da same time.
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Burp, poop, pee?
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Ok, I no feel like one idiot now.
Tell dat to my boss.
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Very talented.
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We got da same wife?
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Well, I guess das multi-tasking too cause gotta hold breath and change too.
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Hmmm..... too late.
I'm guessing das why we have both machines next to each oddah.
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Ok.... I got two out of three down solid.
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Or two?
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Me too!
October 19th, 2011 at 12:09 am
I just say I'm on break.
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I can only imagine.... maybe dat was da start of circuit training?
Wen you mentioned dat all I could tink of Rap's Hawai'i.
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Hey there! E Komo Mai back to WWD! Queen Bee! And no lie... you wahines know how fo' piss and fut at da same time you guys jus' no like admit.
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You can drive and change underwear?
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E Komo Mai to WWD! Lekili! Glad you could drop in.
And yup, it took hours to get da smell out and yup, thank goodness no one got hurt.
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I nevah melt 'em all down..... there was one left.
I still got da original old model..........
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So wea does da movie and Johnnie Pastrami's fit in?
Yowza!
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Along wit about a gazillion oddahs. lol
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WOW! Is dat all in da job description?
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For some WWD! reason, only get like pre-teens always going up and down our street.
I can multi-tasking not working for you.... so how is it dat you can do tree things?
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Nope. Feed Da Baby, wash Da Baby, chase Da Baby, scold Da Baby, change diapers..... hmmmm, by da time pau no can even turn da computah on.
But da next one stay up now.