When It Gets Real

April 30th, 2012
By

It's amazing to see how much experiences one's life can, well, experience.

In my short lifetime, I can say I've experienced more than my fair share of both good and bad and even talking with Da Wife sometimes she's even kinda like, "Huh? Really?" or "Not!". All I can say is that I've seen - and been in - so much stuff that while I'm glad I've gone through it, at the same time I've always wondered why.

While I shared so many mo'olelo's with da WWD! Hui - believe me, it's da selected "PG-13" only version hea - I probably could fill up an entire Harry Potter series with Twilight thrown in just for kicks and that would be just pre-college experiences at that too.

But last week was yet anoddah chapter dat I shook my head at wondering why did I have to "know". I got a text late at night that a distant friend I knew had passed.

He was going through some very rough times and without sharing the details what happened to him leading to his passing, it was something that I would have gone full on pupule ovah as well. The guys I know that worked with him were trying their best to keep a close eye on him and things appeared to be improving. The most ironic part of it all was his profession dealt with recognizing issues and helping others through a wide range of things from emotional to financial but this one hit home hard.

I tried all last week to come up with something to blog about but my mind just blanked out and thought of him. I just couldn't muster up any energy to post a single thing. It's one of those things that while you're perfectly fine and can go on with your day but on those instances when you have short silences and your thoughts roam free, I just keep thinking of what he was possibly going through.

While I didn't know him very well, I always saw him either smiling or having a hearty booming laugh. He's one of those guys that smiled so much, he had those smiley wrinkly lines on his face.

It's just anoddah experience that I have to add to my nevah ending novel and without sharing any more details, it's something I hope no one else will evah go through.

The only thing that I can take away from it is that if you have a friend or family member that's going through a pretty serious life experience, even though it's one of those things that we all say "takes time to heal", be an a$$ and make sure that s/he is/will be ok. While your friend might brush you off or even be pissed, at the very least, they'll know that you care and sometimes that's all that's needed to win the fight. Keep reinforcing to da ones you care about dat no mattah wat, they can count on you just to be there but more importantly reach out when you have a feeling something isn't right.

While I may not know who's behind da computah reading WWD!, if there's evah someone you need to talk to or vent to - obviously anonymously - I know da WWD! Hui is always welcoming for dat...... at da very least, you know I am.

Rest in peace my friend.








Posted in WWD! | 21 Comments »

21 Responses to “When It Gets Real”

  1. wafan:

    Gotta agree. Always good to have someone to talk who will listen.

    Yeah, life goes on. Sadly and thankfully.

    Sorry to hear of your inner turmoil, too. Reflection is a good tool!


  2. wafan:

    1st and 2nd to boot!

    Whoo-hoo!!!


  3. hawaiiobsessed:

    Sorry about your friend. I have started to say several things but they don't sound right and I keep erasing them. Maybe this is one of the times you don't talk, you just listen and sympathize. Hard to do through a computer online.


  4. Pakalani:

    No one can ever completely know what someone else is feeling or going through. Many years ago when I was young and single, a very nice man, maybe 10 years older than me, asked me to go out. He was going through bad times, drinking, had physical problems from wounds he got when he was in Vietnam. I don't think PTSS had been invented or discovered, so he just went through good and bad emotional times, but always used alcohol and pakalolo to ease his pains. I was friends with his best friend's wife and used to visit them quite a bit in Wahiawa. He always cheered up when I visited, because I told jokes to mask my shyness meeting new people. Around the 3rd time he asked me on a date, he was pretty 'ona and could barely talk, guess he was looking for courage. I was afraid and said no again. Next day my friend phoned and said he had shot and killed himself. For years, I blamed myself, but finally realized I wasn't his problem or the straw that broke the camel's back. He was a very troubled, very nice man and one date with me (shy and stupid me) would not have cured him. I found out later that he had been living alone, not letting anybody around him for over one year, and had made attempts before. He had family, but they let him be because they were scared. Now I'm much older and wiser and have seen family and friends at their worst, when they think the world is too much. Do what you can, intervene if you have to, but like they say, suicide is a permanent answer to temporary problems. But sometimes, caring is not enough.


  5. M:

    Howzit BL!
    We all go though rough times in life and showing that you care and being there or even just a phone call goes a long way.


  6. Toekinam:

    Life is what you make it, sometimes people don't know how to deal with such obstacles they can't go over. If a friend is in need, just sit with them and listen. They don't want to hear what they already know, they just don't know where to start or how to go about it.
    We can't help everybody but if you can help just one person, it makes life so precious.
    R.I.P to those who ended their life the best they know how.


  7. snow:

    so sorry to hear about the passing of your friend. life has many ups and downs and it's always good to have a support system in times of need. while knowing someone cares is sometimes enough, other times we have to realize that it may not be enough for someone with mental illness.

    one of my best friends was one of the sweetest people on the face of the earth and we always had the best time together! she went into a severe depression (which i thought was peri-menopausal but wasn't treated as such) and cut off all ties with people who gave her anxiety attacks, at her therapist's instruction. apparently, i was one of them and got a letter one day that she could no longer be my friend (as i understand it, everyone she knew, except her family, received one). *sigh* though i wanted to remain supportive, i had to let myself mourn the loss of a friend (i couldn't bear the thought that if i checked on her, she would have an attack). one of the toughest things i've ever had to do. :(


  8. snow:

    btw, BL, just wanted to clarify that i wasn't implying that your friend had a mental illness... i just wanted to say that sometimes all the caring in the world can't make things better.


  9. M:

    My condolences go out to your friends family and friends.


  10. SASSY7:

    lifes lessons come in so many different ways as we all seek to survive thru this earthly journey...for it is a journey....I have like you been blessed with friends whom you and I will never fully comprehend the path that they have choosen...but what we can do is ensure that our path becomes one that we can take them in, uplift and maybe even buoy up as they need us at that time and phase in their lives. I have always been one to uplift...sometimes it can be a heavey burden to share...but life can be made simpler if we just but aid in the shoulder to keep them afloat....I always tell my kids to aid the ones left on the side...or to befriend the lonely...they will remember your kindness....but never be the one to tell them what to do...note tell....give them options...and when they make the final choice that is theirs to carry not yours...like I said...if you have done all you can...and if you felt you had been the best friend that you knew how to be..then you have done your part in the journey of life for him..and you at this time....could we...should we...had we...all good questions...but in the end....life's chosen path is his/her....and we go on!! for our lifes journey still moves on


  11. B:

    sorry to hear about your friend. "life is tough in the big city"...we learn, then we continue our journey. so many questions and so few answers.


  12. cojef:

    "SASS7" makes sense in his post. You gotta learn to let go, after attempts to help has failed. Like the ole saying, "you can lead the horse to the water trough, but you cannot make the horse drink it. It is never easy to bear the loss of a dear one or friend, if the association has had immense impact on your life or his. Now that I know of your turmoil, I can grasp why your "blog" was missing almost all week. Was looking for it. Condolences ND KEEP A STIFF UPPER LIP.


  13. 9thIslandGirl:

    I was wondering what happened to you. There are no words of comfort when someone has lost a loved one in that way. I'm sorry for the loss. God bless your friend.


  14. Kuuipo:

    What a heartfelt article. You have honored your friend 's life by writing about him. May he rest in peace.


  15. sally:

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. There are never perfect words, we just need to know that our hearts are in this.

    Thank you for sharing your feelings with us.


  16. sally:

    My coworker (she's only 25) had a friend that passed away last week. She described the last visits, the hospital noises, the feelings of a pained heart. As she spoke I overflowed with memories of everyone in my life that I witnessed their passing. Too many, most before I was 30yrs old. One person should not have to do this so many times.

    The images, the sounds, the feelings, they all come back like it was yesterday. I forced myself to remember the times we laughed, danced, sang and partied. It felt good to be blessed with them in my lifetime.

    Again, BL, my condolences.


  17. Braddah Lance:

    wafan:
    Gotta agree. Always good to have someone to talk who will listen.

    Rogah dat!

    Yeah, life goes on. Sadly and thankfully. Sorry to hear of your inner turmoil, too. Reflection is a good tool!

    I'm a firm believer dat life does go on and dat reflection is a great tool! It must be da old age thing. :razz:

    1st and 2nd to boot!

    And so wat? You like two Quotes of Da Day? Au'ight.... hea they are:

    "The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed."
    Eminem

    "Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward."
    Vernon Law

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    hawaiiobsessed:
    I have started to say several things but they don't sound right and I keep erasing them.

    I did da exact same thing.

    Maybe this is one of the times you don't talk, you just listen and sympathize. Hard to do through a computer online.

    Rogah dat.
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    Pakalani:
    No one can ever completely know what someone else is feeling or going through.

    Dat is really true but it helps wen you've gone through it and can share/relate. It's those who haven't da slightest clue but want to give advice dat kinda makes me raise an eyebrow.

    For years, I blamed myself, but finally realized I wasn't his problem or the straw that broke the camel's back. He was a very troubled, very nice man and one date with me (shy and stupid me) would not have cured him.

    Mahalos for sharing! I believe da "scenario" is always da same but it's da individual dat has to fight off da demons.

    But sometimes, caring is not enough.

    Yeah, I know da feeling.

    E Komo Mai to WWD! Pakalani! Mahalos for dropping in sharing too!
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    M:
    We all go though rough times in life and showing that you care and being there or even just a phone call goes a long way.

    True dat.
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    Toekinam:
    They don't want to hear what they already know, they just don't know where to start or how to go about it.

    It's one of those things too dat's easier said than done.
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    snow:
    *sigh* though i wanted to remain supportive, i had to let myself mourn the loss of a friend (i couldn't bear the thought that if i checked on her, she would have an attack). one of the toughest things i've ever had to do.

    Dat sounds pretty rough. It must have been very hard to "not" help.

    btw, BL, just wanted to clarify that i wasn't implying that your friend had a mental illness... i just wanted to say that sometimes all the caring in the world can't make things better.

    No worries. I didn't take it at dat, only dat you was sharing.
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    M:
    My condolences go out to your friends family and friends.

    Let's hope they all can learn from it too.
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    SASSY7:
    ....but never be the one to tell them what to do...note tell....give them options...and when they make the final choice that is theirs to carry not yours.

    So so true!
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    B:
    ..we learn, then we continue our journey. so many questions and so few answers.

    I agree. Each of our journey's is something we all hope we can fulfill with as much as answers as we can gather.
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    cojef:
    Like the ole saying, "you can lead the horse to the water trough, but you cannot make the horse drink it.

    But it's always nice to know dat someone is willing to lead you to it.

    Now that I know of your turmoil, I can grasp why your "blog" was missing almost all week.

    Well dat among oddah things.
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    9thIslandGirl:
    There are no words of comfort when someone has lost a loved one in that way.

    Usually there isn't.
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    Kuuipo:
    What a heartfelt article. You have honored your friend 's life by writing about him. May he rest in peace.

    Mahalos... and I really hope he is at peace now.

    E komo mai to WWD! Kuuipo! Glad you could drop in. :grin:
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    sally:
    There are never perfect words, we just need to know that our hearts are in this.

    Das wat we all hope for.

    Too many, most before I was 30yrs old. One person should not have to do this so many times.

    I'm kinda da opposite. I've been seeing a lot of people pass aftah I turned 30.

    It felt good to be blessed with them in my lifetime.

    Memories are great to have.


  18. Coconut Willy:

    Stay strong, my friend.


  19. pandahugger:

    H...sometimes i wonder a lot if it's better to know or not know certain things, but it can and does often put our own thoughts about our own experiences into perspective. mentally you are strong and can handle much more than others...good to know your friends and family have someone like you for support.


  20. cojef:

    Sometimes a little tear in you eye helps. Even today, when out of the blue a thought comes into my mind of my Mother and there will be tears, but even grown men cry, why not? It means we care and have fond memories and love. The greatest gift is love ... of your fellow human beings too. Used this term after second thoughts, instead of fellow men, for fear of being called a chauvinist.


  21. Braddah Lance:

    pandahugger:
    ...good to know your friends and family have someone like you for support.

    I believe we all do.... it's times like these that you'll find out who's "real" or not.
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    cojef:
    ...but even grown men cry, why not? It means we care and have fond memories and love. The greatest gift is love ... of your fellow human beings too.

    Yeah, but da problem arises wen one's love is for their own self. :roll: