Been Awhile...
By Braddah Lance
Howzit Howzit!
It's been awhile since we had a Feel Good Friday (FGF) post and I just felt like a laugh today.
I hope you do too. 
And before you get your puka underwear in a bunch - for those who no can understand "Hawai'i" jokes - we are a melting pot of ethnicities so naturally we have choke jokes about all kines of races and if you get huhu about dat kine.... no read 'den!
But I - we all - have to admit dat da Po-tagee gets da brunt of da punchlines. 
So to try and be politically correct in dis world, I pulled some jokes from all kines courtesy of "e-hawaii.com/jokes".
Enjoy, laugh hard and have a grrrrreeeeeat Feel Good Friday WWD! Hui!
A Hawaiian, a Japanese and a Portuguese were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a Waikiki building.
One day as they were eating lunch, the Hawaiian said, “Fish and Poi! If I get Fish and poi one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building.”
The Japanese opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Sushi again! If I get sushi one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”
The Portuguese opened his lunch and said, “Portuguese sausage and rice again. If I get a Portuguese sausage and rice one more time I’m jumping off also!”
Next day the Hawaiian opens his lunchbox, sees the fish and poi and jumps to this death. The Japanese opens his lunch, sees sushi and jumps too. The Portuguese opens his lunch, sees the Portuguese Sausage and rice and jumps to his death also.
At the funeral, the Hawaiian man’s wife is weeping. She says, “If I’d known how really tired he was of fish and poi I never would have given it to him again!”
The Japanese man’s wife also weeps and says, “I could have given him teriyaki or tempura!” I didn’t realize he hated sushi so much.”
Everyone turned and stared at the Portuguese man’s wife. “Hey, no look at me” she said. “Da bugga makes his own lunch!”
Q) Why did da Portage burglar break two windows?
A) One to get in, and one to get out.
There was a Hawaiian, a Samoan, and a Chinese guy applying for work at a construction site. The manager looks at the Hawaiian and says, “You look pretty big, you can lift all the heavy lumber.” He looks at the Samoan guy, “You look pretty big too, you can carry all the bricks, and cement.” He looks at the Chinese guy, and goes, “Hmm, you’re a little small, but, you can be in charge of the supplies.”
Later that day the manager goes to check on his new employees. The Hawaiian guy was busy carrying all the lumber, the Samoan guy was moving the bricks and cement, but he couldn’t find the Chinese guy anywhere. The Chinese guy jumps out from behind the wall and yells, “Supplies!”
Hint: You gotta say it wit da "accent".
And a classic one fitting for today..........
One night at a bar, a haole guy ordered a beer. Holding the beer up as if giving a toast, he yelled “T-G-I-F!”, and guzzled it down.
A Hawaiian guy at the other end of the bar held up his beer and yelled “S-H-I-T!”, and guzzled it down.
The haole ordered another beer, held it up, once again yelled “T-G-I-F!”, and guzzled it down.
The Hawaiian ordered another beer also, held it up, and yelled once more “S-H-I-T!”
The bartender finally said to the haole guy “What is T-G-I-F?”. The haole guy replied “Thank God It’s Friday!”
Turning to the Hawaiin guy, the bartender asked “And what does S-H-I-T stand for?”
“Stupid Haole, It’s Thursday!”, said the Hawaiian.
Wassup Wit Dat!
August 17th, 2012 at 10:43 am
Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
T'anks, ah!
August 17th, 2012 at 10:44 am
Bob . . .
Nah, nemin. You no goin ged em.
August 17th, 2012 at 11:00 am
One old japanee man wanders into a bar and finds an open barstool and orders a drink. He shouts to the bartender "hey you want to hear a portagee joke?". The bar falls silent. The man sitting to his right wispers "Unko, befo you tell um I want to let you know...
1. The woman sitting to your left is one portagee who is one olympic caliber weightlifter.
2. The bouncer is one portagee former UH football player.
3. The bartender is one portagee black belt in karate.
4. The man sitting next to me is one portagee who just got out of prison.
5. And I'm a portagee who is one softball player wit my bat."
"Now unko, do you still want to tell that joke?"
Da old japanee man shakes his head and says "Umm...not if I have to explain it five times".
August 17th, 2012 at 11:01 am
I like the last one da bess!
August 17th, 2012 at 11:12 am
And lowtone123. That was good!
August 17th, 2012 at 11:58 am
Like "Coconut Willy" like the las wun 2. i'm not wun for ethnic jokes, tho heard many. Have a nice FRiday Baraddah!
August 17th, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Thanks for givings us laughs for those of us who have to work today.
August 17th, 2012 at 2:36 pm
Happy FGF everyone and thanks for the laughs!
August 17th, 2012 at 5:30 pm
3 paratroopers land on a small cliff on the mountain side. No way to climb up or down. The Japanese guy finds a bottle and opens it... out pops a genie... I'll transform each of you into whatever you say, than disappears... so the Japanese guy starts to run and jumps off the cliff and yells eagle... turns into a eagle and flies off. The Hawaiian guy runs and jumps and yells hawk... turns into a hawk and flies away... The potagee guy starts running and just before he jumps, kicks a rock, yelling shit........
August 18th, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Guuds ones BL! hahahaha
August 18th, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Hope you enjoy these BL:
LOGIC:
Two portagees in Kalihi were sitting on a bench talking, and one says to the other, "Eh, which you tink is mo far... Florida or da moon?" The other portagee turns and says, "Brah, no act so dumb, you tink you can see Florida ?!!"
CAR TROUBLE:
A portagee tita pushes her pickup truck into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's da story brah?" He shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often I gotta do dat?"
SPEEDING TICKET:
An HPD patrol officer stops a portagee tita for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys get your act together. Only yestaday you take my license away. Now today you tell me show 'um to you!"
KALIHI STREAM:
A portagee goes out for a walk. He comes to Kalihi stream and sees another portagee on the opposite side. "Eh, howzit brah!" he shouts, "How I can get to da other side?" The second portagee looks at him, shakes his head, and shouts back, "Brah, you ON da other side."
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE:
Maria Cravalho goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurts wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor, "Show me!" Maria took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed. Likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're Portuguese, aren't you?" Surprised, Maria said, "How you can tell?" The doctor said, "I thought so… Your finger is broken."
KNITTING:
An HPD patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the H-3. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see a portagee tita behind the wheel knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the officer lowered his window, and yelled, "PULL OVER!" The tita yelled back, "NOT! IT'S A SCARF!"
OUTERSPACE:
A portagee was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was his turn. He rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. His question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' He thought for a while, then asked, "Is it on or off?"
PETS:
Maria was visiting her portagee boyfriend Manny, who had acquired two new pitbulls. She asked him what their names were. Manny said, "Dis one is Casio, dat one is Rolex". Maria said, "How come you pick those names?" Manny rolled his eyes and said, "Babe, dey watch dogs, okay?!"
August 18th, 2012 at 6:01 pm
Hehe... shameless! Ok I stole this one but it's one of my favs:
There was one Japanee, one Hawaiian, and one Potagee, stranded on a desert. While they were walking, the Potagee found one car door. He decided to drag it around for shade when they needed it. So one day the Hawaiian guy complained, "Ho bra, it stay SO hot!" The Potagee grabbed the car door and rolled down the window." "There, bra! Is that better?"
August 18th, 2012 at 7:02 pm
LOL! Tanx for da laffs!
August 19th, 2012 at 5:08 am
Good ones, everybody! Thanks for the lighthearted post!
August 19th, 2012 at 2:39 pm
BL: I think I have to introduce you to the Pake guy named Moishe Plotnik.
August 20th, 2012 at 5:54 am
Guud morning BL!
August 21st, 2012 at 1:19 am
How do Portagee women tease their hair?
They stand in front of the mirror and go "nyah, nyah, nyah!"
ba-da-boom!
August 21st, 2012 at 5:57 am
Guud morning BL