Not For Da Faint Of Heart
By Braddah Lance
Maybe it was a trigger for things to come but once Da Wife mentioned it, things started to happen.
We attended a baby 1st luau luncheon dis past Sunday and everything went good from da setup, to da company to da grindz, to da "refreshments". 
Since it was a close friends of Da Wife, we had "duties" to do from prepping da area, finishing up the desserts (had a huge dessert table), Da Wife and anoddah friend was checking in people and I got roped into being da photographer.
Well, on Tuesday Da Wife asked if Da Baby or I was sick and I questionably replied, "no... whhhhy?". She goes to say dat eight oddah people got sick (food poisoning). I told Da Wife, "it's a good thing we got some iron-clad stomachs huh?"
Spoke too soon cause as soon as I came home aftah practice, I felt queasy. Aftah giving Da Baby a bath, it started: chills, fever, bathroom, chills, fever, bathroom. Well, not in dat particular order and definitely more of da bathroom thing than any oddah.
Wassup Wit Dat!
It wasn't pretty and got to be pretty sore aftah awhile if you know wat I mean... and no ack like you don't know wat I mean.
Da Baby felt sick earlier in da day wen Da Wife asked if we were sick but da doctor said it was anoddah ear infection (geez, dat makes it like a thousand or so by now... WWD!) so we were just relieved dat it wasn't food poisoning for her as dat certainly wouldn't have been pleasant for any of us.
I called in sick Wednesday, which is rare as Haley's comet, but there's something about using your own bathroom dat trumped sucking it up and going to work.
So wat's worse, da flu or a stomach illness?
I would take da flu any day of da week and twice on Sundays..... at least das wat my okole tells me.
Wassup Wit Dat!
March 14th, 2013 at 7:29 am
Aloha. Food poisoning is neva, eva pleasant. I got one wen we went to Japan fo vacation. I swear it was Noro-virus or e-coli. Da thing is you cannot take stool hardeners 'cause dat makes dem worse. Gotta take lots of fluids and let the germ work its way out. Good luck!
March 14th, 2013 at 8:11 am
Brah, I think you could've put a better warning on this. Perhaps something that says, "Not For Da Faint Of Heart, Weak Minded, Weak Willed, Squeamish, Those Under 18, Those About To Eat, Those Who Just Ate, etc."
I'm just minutes away from eating when I read this blog entry. 
March 14th, 2013 at 8:36 am
BL, in that situation, you gotta dab, not wipe...
March 14th, 2013 at 8:42 am
Howzit BL,
You got to hydrate when you get dat kind sick. I get this cough fo 2 weeks ladat, just cough, no soah throat, no running nose, just coughing. Wen stay home fo 2 days and wen go get antibiotics, stay coughing less now.
March 14th, 2013 at 9:01 am
let's not forget that a stomach ailment can give you the fever and the chills, too.
the only thing good about it - compared to the flu - is that it usually doesn't last as long.
since i'm not a drinker, i never understood the need to hangover a toilet... in fact, it grossed me out! however, i got food poisoning on a trip and spent the night praying to the porcelain gods! grossness be had (i mean, your own toilet is bad enough... but a hotel?!? aiyaiyai!), there was no other way around it... i was literally too weak to stand up for an extended period of time!
March 14th, 2013 at 9:01 am
Rememba...keep foods colda dan 41 degrees or hotter dan 135. If no temp control, have to throw out cold foods afta 6 hours, 4 hours for hot food. But den, it only takes one person to go lua and not wash hands den handle food to get others sick. Pilau yeah?
March 14th, 2013 at 9:04 am
Just finis lunch, so no problem. Been thru what you experienced, like you were married to toilet seat cuz you couldn't stay close enough and get back on it several more times than you think necessary. Hydration, preferrably warm tea is best. Lucky you keiki did not have to go through what you went through. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Hope you feel better quick.
March 14th, 2013 at 9:07 am
... hey Braddah Lance ... I love the brutally honest blog ... brings back memories ... bad memories, of course ... but yeah, I think we've all been there ...
... I think you forget to mention the cramping and the beads of sweat running down your forehead ... haha ...
... *knock on wood* ... I don't want either ... but yeah, I guess the flu would be the choice if we're talking pain and discomfort ... because you can always sleep off the flu or take lots of medication ... stomach pain is usually inescapable ... it'll wake you up from a sleep ... and there's really no medication that will help that much ... a bathroom "purge" is the only solution ... haha ... pains me to think about it ...
... Happy Digestion to Everyone!!! ...
March 14th, 2013 at 9:24 am
Now das even scarier cause you stay out of country.
Liquid diet I call it. Da fastest wat to lose five pounds in one day.
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Reader beware.
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HA HA HA! Funny $h!*
I really not surah wat I'm laughing at... your comment or your screen name. 
E Komo Mai to WWD! Fat Bastard!
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Rogah dat.
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Das da biggest "benefit".
Ha ha ha.... I'm laughing with you, not at you.
Dat happened to me as well years and years ago back wen Vegas had dat outbreak and basically everything you touched, you had a good chance of catching it... and I did along with three of my oddah friends. 
Uh, four guys, one bathroom... do da math. 
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Da food was "within serving time" from wen they got it..... but da question of whether it was out by da caterer is da question. But always a good reminder for potlucks.
Rogah, dat is not too good.
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Exactly..... well, there are a couple of..............
March 14th, 2013 at 9:42 am
Uhhh... wat you like, da ROCK or da HAHD PLACE, eh?? Gee tanks, BL
I'd take the stomach thing (had the exact same thing 2 days aftah Christmas) over da flu ONLY 'cuz of the duration - NOTHING MORE, trust me. LOL!
March 14th, 2013 at 9:42 am
I know what you going through when da buggah all raw from all dat wiping.
March 14th, 2013 at 9:46 am
Forgot to mention - When even Charmin feels like sand papah, 'Tucks' are your friend.
March 14th, 2013 at 9:48 am
Bet you wish this was one of those times you had one of those fancy toilets that just shoots a gentle spray of water and then shoots warm air to dry... !!
March 14th, 2013 at 10:18 am
Da808, you got it right. The wife has one of those Japanee toilet and swears by it. Me, no like, something shooting at my okole and wet, even after warm spray. Use "Wipes" after toilet paper after every time make unko.
March 14th, 2013 at 10:42 am
not a good feelin... especially wen no mo medicine to take to relieve the pains... s y hud... hope you feelin bettah!!
March 14th, 2013 at 12:09 pm
Brutal year for my kids. A bunch of them had the upset stomach thing. Several of them mentioned they were sooooo glad their bathtubs were right next to the toilet . . . must be rough when both ends go at the same time.
Now, BL, you know why someone invented the donut pillow. Tough to sit, yeah?
Worst thing with the flu and the runs is the need to cough and the fear of possibly doo-doo'ing (sharting?) your pants while in bed or the chair or on the floor or . . . yup, been down that road before. Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Oops.
March 14th, 2013 at 12:15 pm
Whatever stomach bug you suffered on Tuesday did not have anything to do with what you ate on Sunday. Food poisoning happens pretty fast - within two to six hours or so of eating the bad item.
You definitely had a stomach bug on Tuesday but it's probably that from something you ate on Tuesday. Or maybe you touched something with your hands (elevator button, door knob) that had cooties on it and then touched your mouth or nose. Even that might do it.
Oh, by the way: Let's say your wife and you eat the same things, but a few hours later, only you get the runs and start vomiting, etc. It's entirely possible that you ate the one and only bite of the food that was contaminated. All it takes is one microscopic bug for someone to get sick.
Feel better and enjoy your day!
March 14th, 2013 at 1:15 pm
Aren't I always?
It was bad but not extreme.
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You know das how we roll in WWD!.
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Oh yeah, fo'got to mention dat 2-ply ends up being no-ply.
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Ha ha ha! Had to look dat up.
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Personally, I no like anything near my okole let alone something shooting at it.
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Ha ha ha... for da fresh feeling.
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It truly is one of da very few things you gotta suck it up and let it pass... literally.
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You know, at first I was tinking da same thing but eight oddah people from da same party got it too albeit a little sooner than me, Monday I believe.
Did I mention I was fully active (baseball, weightlifting, running etc) wen I had a ruptured appendix....... for a week?! I've been told you literally die from septic shock within two.
It would be me to eat dat one bite of contaminated microscopic bug.
March 14th, 2013 at 2:00 pm
BL, hope you can soon fut wit confidence....
March 14th, 2013 at 4:11 pm
Howzit BL
Use da baby wipes
March 14th, 2013 at 8:04 pm
I don't know if this helps, but ... at least you not in Vegas.
Feel better soon!
March 14th, 2013 at 10:34 pm
I got feeling after drinking Primo Beea with NKHEA when he came to Waikoloa. He could RUN to his hotel room, but I had a LONG drive back to HILO. When da urge comes, make like a pencil and SQUEEZE
until you find one bathroom.
When I go outdoor parties, I kinda avoid the salads with mayo if not on ice. Still yet I sked cause I've been BURNED too many times
Watchout cause the stomach virus going around too. Grand daughter stayed home 2 days cause she was so sick and kept throwing up all day. Poor thing
No worries, Papa stayed home with her 
March 15th, 2013 at 6:05 am
BL: Caution to those who use baby wipes...they are NOT Flushable! All you need is a wad of the wipes in the toilet to back it up and then you got yourself another problem! Flushables should be limited to one or two each time. Nothing like an overflowing toilet filled with kukae!
March 15th, 2013 at 6:44 am
Ynaku............DUCK
Yeah BL make shua u stay away from Primo beea till everyting clears up 
March 15th, 2013 at 7:10 am
Ho! Just checking your blog and see that the topic is bout "rheas" and you got a "RUN" of responses.
Ahhh......the stomach trots.....when one pees through dere butt.
Good weekend everyone and "gently pat with a SHOOTDOWN".
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