By Braddah Lance
New year, same ole stuff - made da mistake of going to Sam's Club this past weekend during "government assistance" payday. I didn't even realize it till I noticed the (type of) crowd. Being a Business Plus member, I normally try to go in early as da business entrance opens a couple hours earlier than the normal opening but da keiki's would have it oddahwise so had to fight da crowd dis time around.
As I swam with da salmon through da entrance, there's a kiosk near da front wea "Plus Members" can scan their card and get a print out of wat's on sale during a certain time. Since there's only one machine (computer) - and it works a tad faster than dial-up - to avoid having people wait while you sift through multiple pages of offers at da break-neck speed it flips through, then selecting them or writing them down or trying to put them to memory as da computer tries to push da speed limit, we just "select all" and print da current offers which gets us off da machine for da next person to use da quickest.
I guess dat wasn't fast enough for dis one FOB wahine.
As da third of seven pages was printing, she tries to jump in and scan her card as I was still standing there:
FOB Wahine: (realizing I wasn't moving) "Oh, you not done yet?"
BL: "Uh, nope, it's still printing." (page 4 just about pau thinking Wassup Wit Dat!)
FOB Wahine: "You're wasting a lot of paper."
BL: (just giving her stink eye keeping my mouth shut and even thinking MORE Wassup Wit Dat!)
As page five begins to print I felt her breathing on me - no joke - and she literally tried to scan her card again.
BL: "Ho! Try be patient eh! It's still printing!"
FOB Wahine: "You wasting paper."
BL: "Learn to be patient you frickin' b!t#*!"
Ok, so I nevah say da last three words but I reeeeaaaaalllly wanted to.
I can't imagine a faster way to get in and out of that machine but she must have some Yoda insight as to how to make the computer move into light speed since she was so impatient but still I couldn't believe da nerve of her to try and force her way in. It's not like there was a line of people waiting to use da machine nor was there any rush to do so. Plus, I also recycle those papers wen I get home so for me wasting? A'ole.
So I did wat any sane, normal, vindictive person would do....... I took my sweet a$$ time. Aftah page seven of seven printed (she nevah know how many pages), I just stood there reading EACH page as if da machine was going to spit out some more then I nonchalantly put da papers in da lower stroller pocket which took some more time and then checked on Da Keiki and then fumbled da wheel lock a couple of times to make da stroller go and then was finally on my way.