Shakanack Review: Fatboy's Kailua
Not being in an area we frequent often - with Da Rugrats grumbling about wanting some (late) lunch - it's tough to find a place yet alone know wea's a good place to eat so we did wat anyone else would do, pulled out our lifeline's: 1) drive around aimlessly "looking" for watevah would catch our eye, 2) utilize da 'smart'phone checking out Yelp and searching for da "best places to eat in Kailua" and last but not least 3) I phoned (texted) a friend who lives in da community.
He suggested Times Coffee Shop which I've always wanted to try but they were set to close in half hour so that was out. While driving, Da Keiki ovahheard Da Wife reading da menu from Teddy's Bigger Burger and by subliminal behest, they now wanted corn dogs - so Teddy's it is.
Once we got there, a table opens up outside and we sit. Da Wife goes inside to grab a menu and she said there's about 10-12 people standing in line so while we mull ovah da menu, Da Baby needed to go to da bathroom. As Da Wife goes half way around da block to find a bathroom, I was unable to just leave Da Keiki at da table to order and guess wat happens? Either da Japanee tour bus came or everybody was pau with da beach cause about twenty malahini strolled on in just as Da Wife and Da Baby come back.
Wassup Wit Dat!
I tell Da Wife there's no way we going wait and I spock Fatboy's right across da street. I always wanted to check dat place out too so we serendipitous-ly walked on ovah.
I no get "invited" to sample these places. I no get reimbursed for meals eaten. I no get asked/told by The Honolulu Star-Advertiser to check these places out so wat you get is a legit, straight up review from a local braddah who loves ono kanack kine grindz as much as he loves his beer.
Da Wife and Da Baby shared a "Fatboy's Bento" ($9). Da Wife said da shrimp tempura was good. Da spam and hotdog were... well, it's spam and a hotdog - standard pieces of a local bento. Da garlic chicken was good but da teri-beef? Well, you be da judge. If you think it looks like dried leather and asking wea's da "teri"... you ain't wrong.
Da Keiki had da teri-burger ($7) which was 'ovahpowered' by da bun which was a perfect soft and fluffy size for a burgah. Scratch dat, it was more like not enough burgah.
You can't forget da fries ($2.79) which was unevenly salted if you check out da concentrated white dots.
I had da garlic chicken plate ($9 - Kailua location "special price") with brown rice (extra but fo'got how much). Da garlic chicken was juicy and tender while da breading ratio was in balance with each cut of chicken. Da sweet garlic flavor rivals Mitsu-ken but da mac salad, I wouldn't go for seconds. For a $9 plate lunch, da mac salad was bland with nothing else inside of it like tuna or potato or egg or anything. Basically mac, mayo and barely any slivers of carrots - pretty sad mac salad.
So hea's da breakdown:
Three Shakas and Bumbye
On a Sunday afternoon, da location (strip mall) proved to be quiet enough as da neighboring stores were closed to enjoy your meal and an excellent place to people watch as da sidewalks and crosswalk action proved to be 'exciting' with all da malahini. Da only dining area is outside on cast iron chairs and tables with barely any shade. We lucked out got da only table under da eave but as da sun crept in, it got warm in a hurry.
Two Shakas and a Go Figgah
At an average of $9+ person for a 'plain' plate lunch, you're asking yourself "wea's da kama'aina discount?" Da portions can't even justify da price and there's no way you getting any kanack value out of any one of da meals we had. Da biggest disappointment? How can you charge $7 for a teri-burger and 1) not even have enough meat to cover da bottom bun and 2) not even come with fries?? (WWD!) Adding da chang-a-lang $3 fries which you could eat in a few bites, Da Keiki had da most expensive "meal" and it was considerably less than wat Da Wife and I had - did I mention it didn't come with a drink either?
Two Shakas and a Go Figgah
Their only saving grace was da garlic chicken oddahwise it would be a single shaka and even then, my plate could have handled one or two pieces more easily. Aftah spending ovah $40 with a large soda and bottled watah, dat was definitely one disappointing lunch. If you got money to spend, by all means happy trails to you but if you're in da mood to save a buck or two or three, I would look elsewhere - unless someone is buying me lunch and they chose da place, dis isn't even a blip on my radar. We 'saved' $10 compared to if we ate at Teddy's.