By Braddah Lance
Halloween is a few weeks away and just a heads up, it's on a Friday so traffic WILL BE UKU-CRAZY!
Anyways, walking down da garage ramp at work, I open da door and kinda spock out in da corner of my slant eye something moving creepily fast against da painted white wall. Once I was able to track it down I shmall kine froze to comprehend wat da heck it was crawling horizontally towards me on da wall.
It was da freaky kine brownish gray daddy long legs on steroids kine spider! Ho, I no like dat kine and it gives me da hibby-jibbys so I quickly shift away from da wall letting go of da door and I seen da buggah JUMP right at me towards my backpack!!
Wassup Wit Dat!
I couldn't tell if he made it on my bag or not so I swung it my off my shoulders to check it out. A'ole. For watevah reason, I decided to "see" if it was somewea near da door. No ask me why. It's one of those things wen people tell you stay stink but go smell 'em anyways kine. I walk back towards da door and saw dis:
So then I was thinking, I wondah if they was..... then I was thinking how da heck do they do it anyways? Then I was thinking wat if it was going to eat 'em instead cause da buggah was about fifty times biggah?? No ask me wat spiders eat, I just stay sharing wat da heck was going through my head.
So then of course like in all da scary movies kine wea you yell at da screen saying "don't do it! Don't open da door you idiot!" I did. Slowly too. I wen look left. Nada. I wen look right. A'ole. Then I was thinking, "OH $H!T!!" Was it ABOVE me??? All I could think of was da old "Caveman" movie wea da spider is on da guys face so of course like da idiot dat I am look up still.
Whew. It wasn't planning a sneak peek-a-boo attack.
Then as I turned to release da door I saw dis (cue da music):
Da buggah nevah make 'em. Too bad so sad.